Interview… Steve Remington from Inside Fatherhood

Steve Remington has been Blogging for a long time now and is one of my good blogging friends.  I first met Steve at an Open Comment Night at Successful Blog.  That is when I began reading some of his work at Why My Blog Stinks and met his sidekick Milton the Moose.

He has since changed course a little and became a Stay at Home Dad (SAHD) and began writing Inside Fatherhood.  It is the antithesis of a WAHM, but if you think about it, they really have a lot in common.  He has a lot of good articles on Fatherhood, Husbandry, and a myriad of other helpful insight.

So, grab a cup of java, kick-back and enjoy a peek into the life of a SAHD…

Me… What was the major factor in the decision for you to become a Stay at Home Dad?

Steve… This is usually the most popular question among people who ask questions regarding me staying home. Well, second most popular to “Are you nuts?” There are two major factors that played a huge role in me and my wife’s decision for dad to be the one to stay home with the kiddos. She makes more money and we prefer that one parent be home with the kids during the day.

Financial Responsibility

Whether I am working or not, my wife makes about 4 times the amount I do. It wasn’t even a close decision when it came to finances. I do work from home now but at the time of the decision I was not, and so it made more sense for me to be home, and still does. With 4 kids in the house and soon to be 5, the cost of daycare would far exceed the annual income I would make in the workplace. So, in a sense I am contributing financially, in that I am not running up daycare costs. This gives us no daycare costs and an opportunity for me to make a small supplemental income from home.

Moral Responsibility

As a parent I feel a moral responsibility towards my children to raise them myself. Raising children is a responsibility and not a luxury, therefore I feel that it is important for one parent to stay home if it is financially possible. I know that not in every situation either parent has that option to stay home. I would think it morally irresponsible to stay home with a child and not pay the bills. So in my current situation, we could afford for me to stay home. So it works for us and I feel that moral responsibility to be there for my children.

Me…  Could you give us an idea of what your day is like?

Steve…  My day can be real hectic with 4 kids in the house. Right now 2 of them are off to school but weekends, afternoons, vacations, and summers I get them all. In all honesty, the day usually goes well, but really depends on how I feel. In other words, my mood and attitude can really make a difference on the attitudes of my own kids. Being healthy and well rested can give you a great edge on the day.

In the typical stereotype of a parent caring for several kids you imagine a scene of complete chaos. There is a woman in an apron with flour all over herself, and in her messy, knotted up hair. The kids are playing pass with the eggs, the telephone is ringing in the background, the dog is pooping in the corner, the cat is meowing, the pie is burning in the oven as the burner catches fire, and the woman is chasing after the kids, trying to put out the fire, answer the phone, and trying to get the dog to go outside all at the same time.

Well, that just doesn’t happen in my routine day. There are moments from time to time I do feel overwhelmed, trying to multitask and make everybody happy. Doing chores, cooking, and keeping an eye on 4 kids can be real challenging. But my day is a bit structured. I will give you an idea of what it is like personally.

On a typical school day, I rise and shine about 7am. Kids need to be to the bus stop by 8:30am. I kiss my wife as she rushes out the door for a full and hectic day at the Veterinary Hospital waiting on clients. She usually is out the door before 7:30am. I quickly and quietly make my way to the coffee maker where I brew my 4 cups of coffee that I will drink for the next 2 hours. Usually by the time I finish my first cup of coffee all the kids are awake. During my first cup of coffee I gather up the kids school stuff and make lunch to put in their backpacks.

I bring my 2nd cup of coffee with me to the bus stop. By 8:45am my day with the 2 younger kids has started. By this time they are hungry for breakfast. I make them a quick meal and as they eat I drink my 3rd cup reading the local paper. Then I scurry off to check my emails and any comments that were left on my blogs. Then I check sales online for the day. By this time my 2 kids have visited me and are wondering what we will do for the day.

Well, here is what I did this morning. I had to deposit a few checks into my business checking account and one check into my personal checking account. I also needed to pay an overdue bill that I had put off for a week. There were 2 shades that needed to be replaced. They had been around for a while and with kids in the house having full access to window shades they can easily get torn over time. My dryer is currently not working so I had washed up 4 loads of laundry the night before and needed to stop over at the laundry mat to get them dried.

So I got the kids all buckled in and first went over to the Home Depot where I got 2 new shades cut. I then drove over to the laundry mat and tossed my 4 loads into the dryers. I then stopped by the post office and mailed my overdue bill. I then headed off to the bank to make my 2 deposits. On my way back to the laundry mat I drive by my house so we stopped back in and had lunch while I put up the window shades. Then my wife calls me and wants to know what is for dinner. So on my way back to the laundry mat I swing by the grocery store to pick up dinner. Then I come home. It is 1pm and the kids are ready for a nap, and so am I. Having to buckle and unbuckle them into the car several times all morning it can get exhausting.

Now that the kids are in taking their naps I head over to the computer to check in on things. If I feel up to it I create another blog or two. I return emails and then if I am feeling real good I will go and visit (and post) at some of my favorite blogs. If I am ahead of schedule and my blogs are up and scheduled to go off I will spend time reading a book until the kids wake up or when the 2 older kids get off the bus at 3:30pm.

Then from 3:30pm to about 5pm I go over homework, read to the kids any books they may have brought home from the library. They are usually starving by the time they get home so we usually don’t start in until after snacktime.

At 5pm I start thinking about making dinner. My wife usually gets home between 6pm and 6:30pm and so I try to time dinner for then. Now depending on the day of the week also depends what I do in the evening. But normally the kids are in bed by 8pm. Some nights we give them a bath. At 8pm I am either in front of the television watching my shows or on the computer. Wednesday night I watch back to back episodes of Lost and The Nine. Other nights I go for an hour walk before I jump on the computer and spend a couple of hours writing blog posts, organizing and working on my online business. Between 10:30pm and 11pm I take an evening bath and by 11pm I am usually in bed dreaming about what I need to do in the morning.

Me… You have been blogging for a while now, do you think it helps you with your daily SAHD life?

Steve… Blogging has helped me in a couple of ways. It has definitely helped me in my SAHD life in that I can really vocalize how I structure things. It also keeps me aware of the things happening in this country and around the world when it comes to parenting and being a SAHD. The ability to connect to others that are in the same shoes as myself is helpful. I know I am not alone in a difficult situation. Blogging is also an outlet for me and helps me unwind after my evening walks. My walking helps me get out my pent up energy and a lot of my creativity is generated during this time. By the time I get home I can put together my thoughts into words in the form of a blog article.

Me… How do you find time to devote to writing your articles for Inside Fatherhood?

Steve… Sometimes it is difficult to find time to do anything, but just because I have a busy life doesn’t mean I can’t do things I enjoy. Most people find the time to watch television shows in the evening or sleep. Personally I am not a huge television junky except on Wednesday evenings. During nap time and in the evenings I spend a lot of time online writing. Another thing I would like to add is that blogging is not all about being online. Any blogger will tell you it doesn’t take long to write a blog post. There are important parts of blogging that you do offline.

I always like to equate blogging to sports. Professional athletes spend a lot of time resting, eating well, practicing, and being coached. As a blogger you need to rest, be healthy, and in return it will allow you to write better. If a professional runner was always running they would fatigue and passout. As a blogger it is the same idea. So I do think about blogging a lot throughout my normal day. I become creative and jot down ideas intermittently. Then when it is time to write it is that much easier to formulate a good quality blog article.

Me… What do you do when you need a break from the daily routine or to just get away?

Steve… Unfortunately I don’t really get a lot of time to just get away. But I don’t mind so much. Some things I do to keep my sanity and get breaks are taking walks in the evening. This really helps a lot for me. If I go too long without getting out and walking I get cranky and I am no good to my family. Sometimes I wait to run an errand until after dinner. Once dinner is over I may drive up to Home Depot, Walmart, or some store and get a few needed things for the house. During the nap time, when it is nice out, instead of jumping online or reading a book, I may mow the lawn, go out in the yard and do something that requires a little bit of energy. I find I don’t need a lot of time to myself as long as I get little bursts of “me time” often.

Me… People may ask how this is related to Working at Home, do you want to take a shot at it?

Steve… Working at home may be an accurate description. I do feel like I am working sometimes but I never feel employed. That is the biggest difference is simply knowing you are only working for yourself and the family. The benefits are long term rewards of investing into your own family each day. I find that I am a repairman, a cook, a maid, a nurse, a carpenter, a gardener, a manager, and a teacher all jam packed into one. But because I stay home and do it for free I am now rendered useless.

Me… Ok, Steve last question. Do you have any special advice for other Stay at Home Dads?

Steve… Being a Stay at Home Dad is not something you can really perfect. You are always learning, growing, and adapting to situations. Being able to structure your days with the ability to be flexible is key in keeping your sanity. I think it is a unique job depending on what your family dynamics are. It isn’t like the Walmart employee from Maine who transfers to California with the same job duties. You could walk into your neighbor’s house and find a totally different atmosphere.

So the best advice I can give is to be a good parent. Hug your kids, kiss them alot, make the giggle, and show them right from wrong. Be there for them and listen when they talk. Read to them. Don’t worry about what other people think, and do what you know is best for your kids. Put your kids and family first and yourself second. The happier they are the happier you are.

I can’t tell you how to structure your day but if you follow those basic good parenting techniques it will make your life easier. Not easy but easier. The reason you decided to stay home with the kids in the first place is because you care.

Steve, Thank You.

Your insight should help any father or mother who is in a situation like yours and give some inspiration to the rest of us.

Be sure to stop by to read Inside Fatherhood, there are a lot of good tips there for anyone in a Home Based Situation.

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